Reconciling the Past
by Cerwyn Daquin
Summary: Sabre decides it's time for Locke to face the problems he's been running away from and kicks him out of Haven for a week. One shot.


_As I thought about Locke and his relationship with Sabre and Knuckles, I came up with this story and realized, while writting it, how much it resembled my relationships with my parents and my own personal feelings. This piece is very special to me, as it allowed me to express things I kept buried and it allowed my a chance to explore Locke's character. I hope you enjoy._

_ Everyone in this fic is © Archie/Sega.  
_

* * *

Locke leaned against the door to his hotel room, releasing a massive sigh. He dropped his bag on the floor, indifferent to the rest of the world as he continued to collect his thoughts. The reality of the situation was only now beginning to sink in with him. He slowly accepted it over the past couple hours as he made his way to the city and checked into his room, but it wasn't until he finally reached his room that everything hit full force. 

_Father really is serious about this._

Sabre had been harassing him incessantly about getting out of Haven more often. Locke always brushed him off, saying he had work to do. In all honesty, he never really felt the need to leave Haven unless it was very necessary. The newest members to the Brotherhood always spent a great deal of time within Haven-- to learn its secrets and grow accustomed to duties as a full fledged member of the Brotherhood. The set-up also allowed him to keep an eye on Knuckles, just as Sabre had to watch over him and Sojourner over Janelle-Li and so forth. Once Knuckles was ready, he'd be welcomed into Haven and he would take over in the "beginner's seat", watching his own child, and Locke would be able to work away from Haven more often. That was the standard set-up, had been for decades, and like any other traditions, the Brotherhood was slow to change them.

Locke always felt that Sabre had some other reason for wanting Locke out of Haven more often. No one else made a big deal about it, though he picked up hints from Spectre that everyone felt that Locke was in need of some kind of help. What kind of help he didn't know and since no one further explained their point, he ignored it. Sabre was the only one who made a point of bringing up personal issues often and Locke eventually learned to drown them out. What he never saw coming was that it would all boil over and result in his father kicking him out of Haven.

* * *

It was a normal day for Locke when Sabre made his drastic decision. Locke was at surveillance, as he usually was, when Sabre came in, a duffel bag in his hand. 

"Father?" Locke said, completely confused. What was going on that his father packed a bag? If Sabre was leaving for a mission or going out to visit Jenna-Lu, he would have known about it. It wasn't like Sabre to keep secrets from him, or anyone for that matter.

"Locke, would you please accompany me to the elevators?" Sabre said. His expression was calm and there was nothing to indicate that he had a hidden agenda. Locke concluded that his father must have made a last minute decision.

"As you wish, Father," Locke said. He got up from his chair to walk along side the older echidna as they made their way to elevators. "Where exactly are you going Father?"

"I'm not going anywhere," Sabre said calmly.

Locke frowned as he studied his father's face. It wasn't like Sabre at all to keep anything from him. He always explained himself and Locke knew he was due some kind of explanation for his father's confusing actions. Sabre said nothing and actually hummed happily to himself as they continued down the hall.

Locke raised both eyebrows in mild surprise. His father, hum? What on Angel Island was going on that his father was in such a good mood? He contemplated the issue all the way to elevators. Once both men reached their destination, they stopped to face each other. Locke waited patiently for the explanation he was sure his father was about to give him.

"I know this seems out of the ordinary but it's only for a little while. A week, if everything goes well." Sabre smiled and said nothing more.

Locke waited for a couple seconds for him to speak again and when Sabre didn't he shook his head and gestured in an is-that-all kind of manner. Sabre's smile widened and before Locke could react he found the bag in his hands. Locke's eyes widened in surprise and he sputtered for a couple of seconds, struggling to form the proper words to express his confusion.

"It's only for a short time Locke. You should be able to find a nice room in Echidnapolis to stay in for a while," Sabre said. He sounded perfectly casual and Locke continued to sputter incoherently as he looked back and forth between the bag and his father as Sabre continued. "I don't care what you do in the city but I won't tolerate you staying in your room. I want you to get out and mingle with people. Maybe see a show or hit a nightclub even."

Locke finally couldn't take anymore and said the first thing that came to mind. "What the hell is this all about?"

Sabre sighed. "What the hell have I been bugging you about for the past ten years of your life?"

"I do not need to get out more!" Locke said harshly, throwing the bag down to the floor. "How many times must I tell you that I'm perfectly fine and don't want or need you interfering in my affairs?"

"And how many times must I tell you that this is for your own good?" Sabre replied. His tone remained level and calm. Very rarely did he raise his voice when arguing with Locke.

"What makes you think this is for my own good?" Locke growled.

"Because I know it is. You won't admit it to yourself but you need help and short of sending you to a psychiatrist, I don't know what else to do with you other than force you out of Haven and away from your work as a Guardian for a while."

"Help with what?" Locke asked, seething. "You think I'm insane or something? I'm perfectly fine and healthy Father. And happy."

Sabre snorted at Locke's last comment. "Happy are we? Not from what I can see. Moping about, working yourself to exhaustion, pining for your ex-wife, burying all your feelings. You have not been 'fine' for a long time Locke and if something doesn't change soon, you'll be an absolute wreck."

"Contrary to what you believe, I am doing just fine. I bury my feelings because they have no place in my line of work!" Locke stamped the ground with his foot, not caring how childish his gesture was. Sabre rolled his eyes and released a long suffering sigh.

By now the rest of the Brotherhood had gathered around the elevator, the tense emotions from the father-son confrontation having caught the attention of everyone. Sojourner and Thunderhawk looked on with annoyed expressions; the arguments between the two were getting old. Spectre leaned against the wall, looking bored. Athair looked a little concerned.

"I don't need help with anything Father," Locke spat, kicking the bag aside for emphasis.

"I could say your manners need some improvement," Sabre replied coolly.

"My manners are fine!" Locke screeched. "I'm getting sick and tired of you telling me what to do. I'm not a child anymore!"

"You're my child!" Sabre screamed.

Locke recoiled in shock. Sabre rarely, if ever, yelled at him. Locke fell silent, not knowing how to respond to his father's sudden outburst. Everyone else was just as surprised; yelling was out of character for Sabre. Spectre, however, was smiling. Locke frowned, having caught his elder's grin. Locke felt that Spectre probably would have loved to be the one yelling at him now.

"Are you so dense that you can't understand that I'm trying to do what I believe is best for you?" Sabre yelled. "Do you not understand that I'm trying to help you? You may not see a problem with your life but I do. I've seen it for years and I'll be damned if I allow it to continue. It's time you did a little growing up, starting with owning up to and facing your problems. You will do this even if it kills me in the process!"

Locke bowed his head. Hurt and guilt kept him quiet while Sabre took a few moments to take some calming breaths. He sensed a wave of concern from his grandfather Athair and could feel his elder approaching but then a sharp wave of negative energy interfered. Spectre. Locke knew his ebony grandfather didn't want anyone interfering.

After another minute of silence, Sabre spoke again, his voice notably calmer. "Listen to me Locke. You're suffering, and its eating way at you. You know what I'm talking about-- I've only brought it up to you a million times the past several years. I could go into a page and verse about what changes I want to see you make but I think it's time for you to figure it out yourself and if forcing you into the city is the only way to do it, then so be it."

Sabre took a deep calming breath before he continued on. "As I said, you'll only be gone for about a week. I will extend your stay if you fight with me on this or don't make the effort to socialize in the city in any way." Locke frowned at him, hurt, but Sabre only smiled a little in response. "Trust me on this Locke. I think once you're away from Haven, unable to hide behind your work, you'll understand what I've been trying to tell you these past few years."

Locke said nothing. He was awash with emotions, all of them conflicting within him. He was angry at his father for forcing himself into his personal affairs, hurt by his father's harsh words, and ashamed at having been scolded like a child in front of his grandfathers. He looked around him, searching for some kind of guidance from his grandfathers, searching for some kind defense or encouragement.

Thunderhawk's face was stern. The two were not very close, and Thunderhawk had given him what for on many occasions, claiming Locke was too undisciplined for Haven himself at times. There would be no help from him. The scientist then turned to Sojourner, who gave him a don't-look-at-me kind of expression. Spectre wore a small smirk on his face, no doubt pleased that Sabre was finally taking a heavy hand with Locke. Spectre had told Locke before he was weak, immature, or foolish, and there was no comfort to be found from him now.

Athair was a different matter. Locke turned to face his grandfather and his eyes pleading for some kind of help. Athair smiled sympathetically. However, instead of coming to his defense as Locke expected, he felt a mental push from Athair instead. _Do as your father asks. He's only trying to help you and I think this will be better for you than you even realize right now._

Something soft nudged Locke in the arm and he turned to see Sabre holding out the duffel bag. Locke wrapped his arms around the bag, giving his father a pleading look look. He still couldn't believe what was happening. This had to be a wild joke. Locke remained rooted in place, not daring to believe that he was being kicked out of his home. Sabre motioned towards the elevator with his head. Locke looked towards the elevators, then at Sabre, and then turned to face the rest of the Brotherhood. No one said a thing, even as Locke silently pleaded for help.

"Locke." Sabre's voice was gentle but firm.

With a sigh, Locke bowed his head. He turned and gave his father one last sad look. Sabre mouthed the words, "Go on."and Locke walked over to the elevators. He stepped inside and pressed the button to take him to the surface, not bothering to look at anyone as the doors closed.

* * *

The sound of his stomach rumbling brought Locke out of his thoughts. He glided all the way to the city, not taking time to rest at all. He hadn't bothered to eat; he only wanted to find a room, someplace where he could be secluded for only a little while. His stomach rumbled again but Locke ignored it. He knew he should eat but he wasn't in the mood for food of any kind. He was still reeling from the events of that morning. 

He picked the bag up from the floor and deposited it in the small closet before walking over to window. Being a Guardian, he was given one of the larger rooms on the top floor. He fought against it at first, not wanting anything too fancy, but when he learned the top floor was empty, he changed his mind. He didn't care to have anyone nearby.

He stared out the window for several minutes, not focusing on anything in particular. What was it his father was expecting him to learn, to discover, while he wandered aimlessly about the city for a week? He pondered the issue heavily all the way to the city and could think of nothing. Once again his father was blowing things out of proportion because Locke could think of nothing at all.

_Nothing from my perspective at least. What is my father seeing that I'm not? What am I missing?_

Locked turned the issue over in his mind for a few minutes longer before deciding to give up. He was tired and emotionally spent. Perhaps he'd be able to think more clearly after a good night's rest.

* * *

Locke winced as he squeezed through a crowd of people inside the electronics store. Life of seclusion in Haven with only his fathers for company left his very uncomfortable in large crowds. If it wasn't for the fact that his father would force him out into the city if he didn't take initiative upon himself to do so, Locke would have remained hidden inside his hotel room. 

_Just because I have to be out and about doesn't mean I can't at least spend time at places I'd enjoy._

Locke figured he could at least buy some small machines and tools for him to tinker with in the evenings. He was not planning on going to any kind of parties, much less mingling with the night crowd. He picked up a few small radios and examined them with interest. He could probably enhance them in a few ways, maybe even add a few annoying features and then give them to his father as punishment. He grabbed one off the shelf and made his way to the next isle when the sight of a maroon colored female with reddish brown hair stopped him in his tracks. Locke backed up a couple steps and made sure he was hidden from the female's view before focusing his attention on her.

Lara-Le. His love. His ex. She was out shopping and she had her new husband, Wynmancher, by her side. It broke his heart to see her with another man. He loved her dearly, even if he wasn't always so great at expressing it. He was so certain she knew he loved her, that she understood how much he loved her. So much so that it came as a vicious surprise when he received word of her demanding a divorce. He knew things were falling apart between them as Locke immersed Knuckles in his Guardian training but he didn't think things would haven't so out of hand that they would have lead to divorce. No matter what he said or how he tried to explain things, she wouldn't budge. They had gotten into an argument after argument, exchanging harsh words, and Locke finally relented and granted Lara the divorce.

_Was I that easy to get over? _Locke was surprised that she had started dating again and even more surprised when she fell in love with Wynmancher. He could see why-- he was a nice enough guy, but Locke didn't want her to marry again. He had contemplated finding some way of talking her out of it, using Knuckles as an excuse. He knew his son wasn't keen on having a stepfather and Locke believed that maybe if Knuckles pressed her on the subject, he could convince her not to follow through with it.

Locke never followed through. As much as it broke his heart to see her marry another man, he knew she was happy and he had no right to deny her that, not after what happened between them. Besides, Knuckles didn't have anything against Wynmancher personally and that made it easier for Locke to accept the situation.

Still, it hurt so much to see her. He was getting better at hiding his pain any time they ever conversed with one another (such moments were rare and only happened when it concerned Knuckles), but he could not dampen the pain that tugged at his heart. He focused his attention heavily on Knuckles while he was still training him to avoid thinking about her. Once he returned to Haven, he threw himself into his work to keep himself occupied.

Locke blinked several times as his father's words came back into his mind. Why would he be thinking about what his father had said to him now? What did that have to with anything? He shook his head, clearing the thoughts, as well his pained feelings for Lara-Le, from his mind. He didn't need any of this now.

Turning around, Locke took a different path to the registers so he could get out of the building before Lara saw him. A nagging feeling at the back of his head told him that his father's words came back to him for a reason but he ignored it. He dismissed them as lingering anger over what had happened yesterday.

* * *

"Dad!" 

Locke jumped several feet in the air. It was his third day in the city and having grown tired of wandering aimlessly through the shopping centers, he decided on meditating in the park. He had yet to figure out what it was his father was talking about and he figured that meditating on the point for some time would help him to understand what it was his father wanted of him. The fact that he had failed to come to a conclusion by now was beginning to frustrate the young male.

"Dad, what are you doing here?" Knuckles asked. He panted lightly, having run across the field to join his father.

"Just contemplating some of my life's greater mysteries," Locke jested. He smiled warmly at his son.

It never occurred to him to look for Knuckles while he was in town and he mentally kicked himself for it. How could he have allowed himself to become so preoccupied with his own problems that he would overlook something as simple as spending quality time with his child? _That's not the first time you've done this_ a voice chided him. Locke brushed it aside.

"Did you solve anything?" Knuckles asked, smiling. He jumped into his father's arms and Locke returned the embrace.

"Unfortunately, no," Locke said with a slight sigh. "I'll think about it later. Right now I'm just happy to see you."

"Not as happy as I am to see you," Knuckles replied. He was thrilled to see his father again.

Some guilt crept into Locke's heart at Knuckles' happiness. Guilt over leaving him alone. Guilt for not always being there for him. _No, I won't think of this now. I'm with my son, I should be happy. _The feeling continued, needling Locke. _Why do these thoughts bother me so much more when I'm actually in his presence than when I think about them when I'm alone?_

"Dad?" Knuckles looked at his father quizzically. It wasn't like his father to be lost in another world, even for a little while. He had a feeling something was bothering Locke.

Locke brushed aside his thoughts. He was with Knuckles now and he needed to focus his attention on his son. "I'm sorry Knuckles," Locke said. "I got lost in my thoughts momentarily. I've had a lot of stuff on my mind."

"Is something wrong?" asked Knuckles, concerned.

Locke smiled sadly. His son shouldn't worry himself over him like that. "It's nothing important," Locke said, putting an arm around his son's shoulders. "What do you say we have lunch, if you haven't eaten yet that is?"

"It's a plan!"

* * *

"Grandfather kicked you out of Haven?" 

Knuckles stared at his father, looking completely flabbergasted. Never in his wildest dreams would he have imagined something like that happening. Sabre must have reached his wits end if he went so far as to force Locke out of Haven. Archimedes had told him that Locke was in town, but Knuckles had no idea it was because he was pushed into it.

"Yes, he did. I still can't believe he did." Locke sighed and looked up at the sky.

The two were sitting at a table at a small café and Knuckles managed to get his father to reveal everything that had happened to him the past couple of days. Knuckles had learned that his father wasn't always communicative, as his mother had always told him, and he eventually learned how to work conversations to get his father to reveal more information then he might have intended. It wasn't much, Locke still had a tendency to hold back, but he was becoming more communicative and as far as Knuckles was concerned, that was a big improvement.

"And you haven't figured out what it is that he wanted you to fix?" Knuckles asked. He had spoken enough with his grandfather to have an idea of what Sabre might have been hinting at.

"I haven't a clue," Locke replied sadly. "I've had thoughts, nagging feelings in the back of my head. Nagging feelings tugging at my heart. I can't help but feel that I know exactly what my Father wanted me to do but I can't put my finger on it just yet."

"Maybe he just wanted you out of Haven for a while?" Knuckles offered. "I mean, from what I understand, you're not very happy."

"I think you've been listening to your Grandfather just a little too much," Locke grumbled.

"Look, Dad, I think all of you need to get out of that underground bunker more often. Grandfather Spectre looks like he could use some sun."

"Spectre would be the last echidna to leave Haven. Nothing short of a promised battle with the Dark Legion would get him to leave."

"True," Knuckles mused with a chuckle. "Well, at least you get to be off duty for a while. In a way, it's almost like you're getting a little mini vacation here."

"I suppose. I admit that it's been nice to get away from my fathers for a little while, especially Grandfather Athair. He can drive even the sanest person insane."

"I can't argue that," Knuckles replied, remembering some of his grandfather's zanier tactics. His Grandfather was so serious when they spent time with the Forgotten Tribe that Knuckles didn't even know Athair had a funny bone until later.

"Still, it'll be nice to get back to work. I'm not used to having so much time on my hands." Locke picked up his cup to take a few sips of his tea.

"Maybe you should go hit on some women," Knuckles said. Locke immediately spit out his tea, spraying the table. Knuckles pushed back in his seat a little to avoid being sprayed.

"May I inquire as to why you would suggest such a thing?" Locke choked out. He grabbed his napkin to begin wiping up his mess.

"I was just thinking that since Mom remarried and am happy; maybe you should get a girlfriend too."

"Now I know you've been talking to my Father for too long."

"It's not a bad idea Dad," Knuckles insisted. "I can probably find some women who'd like to date you."

"Thank you Knuckles, but I think I'll pass."

"Come on," Knuckles pleaded.

"No, Knuckles."

"Your skills with the women suck that badly?"

Locke stiffened and gave his son a reproachful look. "No, I'm just not interested."

Knuckles sighed. "All right, I'll drop it."

Locke went back to his tea, thankful for small mercies. Knuckles pouted. He had enough talks with Sabre to get the gist of what was happening and he could feel some of his father's pain whenever he was able to get the man to talk about certain subjects. His mom was right on one count, Locke was not a communicator. Despite that, even Knuckles could see the pain in his father's eyes whenever he talked about his past and it wasn't hard for Knuckles to notice that Locke always made a point to avoid the subject when he could.

"Well, maybe you can visit Mom for a while," Knuckle suggested. Locke almost choked on his drink again and he stared at Knuckles.

"Why on Angel Island would I do that?" Locke replied. "You know I'm the last echidna she'd ever want to see."

"I know you two don't always talk much, but if it's about me, I know she'll talk with you."

"That's different son. Besides, Lara-Le will never expect an impromptu visit from me about you. She'll think I'm up to something."

"Like what?"

"Knuckles," Locke said sadly. He reached across the table to pat his son's hand. "Your mother and I aren't getting back together. It just isn't going to happen."

"I can dream can't I?" Knuckles pouted and looked away.

Locke sighed. Sure, his son could dream, and so could he. She'd never come back to him, not after everything he had done. Taking Knuckles away, not allowing her to have some say in his life, not keeping in touch with her. No wonder she was so upset with him. If he had been in her shoes, he'd have felt the same. What Locke couldn't figure out is why it wasn't until recently that he was beginning to understand that.

And then she claimed that he did a lousy job as a father. He felt otherwise but now that he thought about it, maybe he didn't do as great a job as he thought. He followed protocol, leaving Knuckles on his own at nine years of age, just as all previous Guardians had been left alone. But after that, what had he done? He had so many opportunities to do more, to help Knuckles, to show him how handle his powers as they began to develop. He had left so many things in the hands of Archimedes, never once taking initiative himself, despite Sabre and Archimedes demanding otherwise. He felt that everything he had done in Knuckles' life was for his own good.

_But it wasn't. No matter how good or noble I felt my intentions were, I should have thought about Knuckles first and foremost and not about the "greater good". My son always, always, should have come first._

"Knuckles," Locke said softly. Knuckles looked back at his father, and Locke took a breath, almost afraid to ask the question. Knuckles waited patiently for him to continue. "Knuckles, was I a bad father? Be honest."

"Of course not!" Knuckles exclaimed. "Why would I think of you as a bad father?"

"Knuckles, please. Did I do anything to hurt you? Did I not help you enough? Did I do anything that you wished I hadn't? Please answer honestly."

Knuckles looked down at his hands for a few seconds, mulling over how to answer. He had some things on his mind but he didn't want to upset his father. He didn't want his father to believe for a second that he was as bad a person as he felt himself to be.

"Well, I think it goes without saying that all the secrets didn't do me any good. I still don't understand why you kept so much from me."

"I'm sorry Knuckles. I shouldn't have. It's just how things work. I didn't discover the full truth myself until I was about your age."

"I still don't know why any family would keep secrets of any kind of from their own," Knuckles said, a little upset.

"And perhaps we shouldn't. Perhaps keeping s many secrets has lead to the narrow minded path we follow so rigorously."

"Look, Dad, the secrets hurt, but I don't hate you. I don't blame you for what you did." Knuckles could almost the guilt coming off his father. Part of him felt it deserving, he should feel guilty for lying to his own child, but Knuckles didn't want him wallowing in it.

"Why not?" Locke replied. He felt like Knuckles was holding back on him. "I was responsible for a majority of your life and how you lived it. I should have done more for you."

"What difference does it make now? Sure I might have liked having you around my whole life but you didn't disappear forever. I mean, you had to come back, right?"

"Of course I would have. The Brotherhood would have revealed itself to you eventually. I wouldn't have left you alone for life."

"Dad, what matters to me now is that you're here. I have my whole family now and despite what's happened, I love you."

"I know son, I know." Locke smiled, but he could feel his heart breaking and that nagging voice came back to haunt him again.

_Not that I deserve that love, that loyalty. I should have put you first, always, and I didn't. I bowed down to tradition, allowing my grandfathers to control everything and tell me what to do. I was too weak to fight back, so I went with them, not knowing what else to do. The fire-ants understood. They could see the changes that needed to be made. I could see their perspective, but I wouldn't act on them. That's true weakness and it cost you, my son, dearly._

"Dad?" Knuckles looked at his father concerned. If he didn't know any better, he could have sworn his father looked like he was on the verge of tears.

Locke looked at Knuckles, startled. He was so far off in his thoughts he had forgotten where he was. "I'm sorry Knuckles, I got lost in thought again."

"Dad, are you going to be okay?" Knuckles looked at Locke, his eyes searching his father's face, trying to discern what it was that was eating away at his father. Locke wasn't doing well at all and he was thankful that Sabre had Archimedes send word to him that Locke was in town.

"I'll be fine Knuckles," Locke replied, giving his son the most reassuring smile he could, but his heart wasn't in it. _You're not a fine,_ a voice inside him said. _You haven't been fine for years and you're too damn stubborn to recognize it. _Locke shoved the voice aside. He didn't need his father telepathically speaking…

Wait, that wasn't his father. Sabre wasn't invading his mind. That was his own voice, but why was it repeating to him what his father had told him countless times? No, that was his conscience, which he pushed aside and ignored whenever it tried to bury him in guilt. He regretted enough not listening to it when he should, he didn't need it bothering him again now on top of everything else.

_No, not again. I won't let myself fall into this trap again. _He pushed those feelings aside, determined to bury them where he couldn't hear them. That's what he always did. Pushed everything away, burying himself in work so he wouldn't have to think about his mistakes. So he wouldn't have to face them. Sabre's words came back to him once again.

He had berated Locke for that for years and Locke ignored him, believing that his father was beating a dead horse. He had never imaged until now just how right his father was. He was so lost in this wave of guilt that he hadn't even noticed that Knuckles had gotten up from his chair and was now leaning over him, hands on his shoulders.

Knuckles watched his father, concern etched in his features. What was wrong with his father that he had gotten so lost like this? He had a feeling things weren't right with him, Sabre had told him as much, but he had no idea how severe the problem was until just now, as he witnessed some internal battle rage within his father. He had to find some way to help him. He just couldn't stand by and allow his father to suffer.

* * *

"Do you go to such movies often?" Locke inquired as he and Knuckles left the theater. 

Knuckles decided that a good laugh was necessary for both of them and insisted upon seeing a new comedy that was out. Knuckles found it amusing but Locke wasn't sure what to think. He found some parts humorous, but he didn't know what to make of the rest of the movie. The humor and culture of the younger generation went right over his head.

"Not really, but my friends said it was pretty good. Then again, Vector will laugh at anything." Knuckles shrugged.

"Different strokes for different folks as they say," Locke said.

"This is true. Well, I hate to run, but I have an appointment to keep. It was great seeing you Dad." Knuckles was lying about the appointment. He had formed a plan in his head during the movie in hopes that it would somehow help his father and he needed to move now if he was to set it in motion. He didn't like lying to his father but he felt that this might work out best if his father didn't know what was going on.

"It was good to see you too son. Now get going, you shouldn't be late." In truth, Locke wanted Knuckles to stay but he knew his son's duties came first.

"That's no big deal. Just make sure you catch me again before you leave the city." He gave his father a big hug. Locke returned the embrace just as tightly.

"I will, I promise."

They broke apart, and Knuckles ran off, waving to his father as he did. Locke returned the wave, watching his son sadly as he disappeared into the crowd. _Are you going to keep this promise? _That damn voice again. Locke wasn't sure if he could take much more of this. He was grateful Knuckles suggested the movie, it provided a much needed distraction. Now that he was alone and left with his thoughts, which threatened to drown him in a dark pit of despair again. Maybe he'd go back to his room and tinker with some of the machines he purchased a couple days ago.

_Of course, go to work, concentrate on something else so you don't have deal with this. Just admit that you screwed up Locke. Admit it._

Locke growled and closed his eyes. Lara had said just as much and he didn't want to admit that she was right. His pride wouldn't allow it. No, he wasn't going to deal with this. He tried before and nothing ever came of it. He was better off pushing it to the side until a later time. He wasn't ready to deal with the consequences of his actions just now.

_Then again, when have I ever?_

* * *

Locke sighed. No matter how peaceful it was in this particular part of the park, he just couldn't concentrate. Meditating in a public place wasn't the best of ideas, but the island in the middle of the pond in the lake was secluded from others and he had some peace there if nothing else. Besides, if he remained in his room to contemplate things, he would have heard from Sabre. He had no doubt that his father was watching him, to see if he was doing what he should be. 

_I hope you're happy with my lack of progress father._

He kicked off and glided from the island to the mainland. Once he landed, he proceeded to walk along the shoreline. It was rather quiet out, with few people around, and it made it easy for Locke to keep to himself. He walked on, his head bowed, pondering why his father insisted on this. If it was as simple as dealing with the guilt he felt from how he handled Knuckles and Lara-Le, he failed to see why he had to be kicked out of Haven for it. There had to be more to it than what he was seeing.

_I should have just listened to my father. He seems to know exactly what's going and I might have more of an idea if I had bothered to listen to him any time he lectured me instead of allowing his words to go in one ear and out the other._

He looked ahead wondering where he should go from this point when he saw a familiar face sitting on one of the benches. Lara-Le was sitting on the bench, under the shade of a tree and she looked just as surprised to see Locke.

"Lara, what are you doing here?" Locke asked. His ex was the last echidna he expected to see.

"I could ask you the same," she replied. She hadn't expected to run into her ex and she wasn't too thrilled about it.

"I was just wandering around, enjoying the fresh air."

"Since when?" Lara gave him a hard stare.

"Does that matter Lara?" Locke said gently. He didn't want to start off with another argument. Why did she always feel the need to do so?

"No I guess not. Knuckles told me you were in the city but I didn't think we'd run into each other."

"Oh, I see." Locke felt self conscious all of the sudden. He wished desperately he could disappear.

"Sill not a talker I see," Lara said, her voice still hard.

"Please Lara, must we always argue?" Locke asked sadly. He hadn't done anything to her yet and she was already giving him the cold shoulder. Was he so horrible to her that he deserved such bitter treatment from her every time they talked?

"You don't make it easy Locke. Your inability to communicate makes it hard not to argue."

"I just don't have much to say, that's all."

"You never did."

Locke sighed. He didn't need this. He was tempted to leave but something compelled him to stay and talk with her. There were few others around, and no one nearby. Locke never had a chance to really talk with Lara-Le about much of anything and for some odd reason he felt like taking the opportunity to do so now.

"So, how have you been?" Locke smiled lamely.

"I've been well," Lara replied.

"You're still angry at me, aren't you?" _Stupid question Locke, really stupid question._

"After everything you've done, how can I not be?"

"Lara, how many times must I tell you that it's what I had to do. It's the way things have always been done." Why, _why_ couldn't she understand?

"That's what you always say. You couldn't have bothered to change even a little bit?

Locke was about to tell her that he couldn't have when he stopped. There was nothing to say he couldn't have changed any time he wanted. He could have done a number of things differently, he just never bothered to give them any consideration. Maybe it was time to swallow some of that pride, as hurtful as it was to do so.

"Yes, I probably could have," Locke admitted with a sigh. Lara was shocked by his sudden change in attitude. He always fought with her, denying that he had ever done anything wrong.

"Then why didn't you?" Lara pressed, her tone softened slightly. She was always eager for an answer to that particular question.

"I-I don't know," Locke replied softly. "I honestly don't know. I've tried to think of a legitimate reason for why and I've failed miserably to come up with one. I'm afraid I can't give you an answer." Locke turned his eyes downward and looked away.

"Just as I thought," Lara replied. _At least this time he admitted to it._

Locke gave her a hurt look and Lara felt her anger melt away slightly. She very rarely saw emotion from Locke and this came as a complete shock. His voice, his tone, even his body language told her that he was sincere. He could have been lying, it wouldn't have been the first time, but Lara knew Locke wasn't an actor. The two stood silently, neither one knowing what to say. Lara finally decided to speak first.

"So, what brings you in to town?" She asked. She learned from Knuckles last night that Sabre sent him in to town but Knuckles didn't give her any more information than that.

Locke contemplated that telling her that he was town doing work when his conscience nagged at him. _Be honest._ He lied to her so much already, doing it some more wasn't going to help matters.

'Honestly," Locke said, and Lara raised a skeptical eyebrow at the word. "Sabre felt that I needed to get out of Haven for a while and he…" Locke took a deep breath. _Just come out and say it. _"He kicked me out."

"What?" Lara replied, hardly believing the words that had just come out of Locke's mouth. "Your own Father kicked you out of your own home?"

"Yes Lara, he did." Locke sighed. He didn't feel as embarrassed as he thought he would. He expected to feel horrible for telling the truth, but he felt that he didn't feel so bad about it at all.

"Did he finally decide that it was time for you to start acting like a real father to your son?"

Locke gave Lara another hurt look and replied, "No. I don't know exactly why he threw me out. He said I would figure it out and so far I haven't."

"No surprise there," Lara said, disappointed. "Knuckles told me you were in town when he visited me last night. You were here for three days and you didn't think to see your son right away?"

Locke stiffened. By Aurora, he didn't need this. "Lara, I didn't think about that. I was hurt and shocked by what happened with my father. Believe me, I do feel guilty about that, I do."

"Of course you do," Lara replied, her voice flat. "As guilty as you felt about everything else."

"Please Lara," Locke pleaded. "I don't want to argue. I don't like arguing with you."

"Is that why you never bothered to talk to me about anything?" Lara asked.

"Yes!" Locke said before he had a chance to think. Lara's expression changed to surprise at Locke's admittance. Locke was just as surprised himself. He had always felt that way, but he never said it.

"So on top of keeping secrets, you decided not to tell me anything because you thought I'd argue every point with you? What a wonderful way to work a relationship." Lara crossed her arms and frowned.

"Y-you're arguing with me now, and there's nothing to-to even argue about!" Locke stammered. "Maybe I should have told you more, but I had to keep some secrets. The Brotherhood can't risk revealing everything lest our enemies take advantage of us."

"So that makes it okay than?" Lara shot back, her voice rising. For years she's wanted to give Locke a piece of her mind and all that repressed rage was finally finding the voice it had been waiting for.

N-no," Locke said, still tripping over his own words. "I was only doing what I thought was best."

"Did it ever occur to you that what you thought wasn't the last and final word on how things should be done!" Lara shouted. Locke hung his head as Lara continued her tirade. "How dare you assume that you knew what was best for our son. You kept me from taking a big part in my son's life. I should have been there for him through everything. You should have been there for everything! You should have told me everything. I was your wife and mother to your son. I had every right to everything!"

Locke kept his eyes down, he didn't dare to meet Lara's gaze. It pained him to receive such a lecture from her but he said nothing. He knew he deserved it. Before he would have argued with her; in fact, they have had this exact same arguments many times and he always insisted that he had never done any wrong. Now he knew better. He wasn't sure how, but somehow, he just knew better.

"You're inability to acknowledge your own shortcomings was part of what tore our marriage apart. You had to have your way, doing what everyone else did, because it was how things were done. You never once tried to compromise, no matter how much I tried to talk to you. You never even listened to me when I did!" Lara glared angrily at Locke as she took deep breathes. Oh how she wanted to get that out of her system.

"Lara, I did what I was supposed to," Locke replied, his voice soft. He couldn't deny that she was right and he couldn't muster the strength to fight words that he knew in his heart to be true. "It's what my ancestors did. I was only following what I had been taught."

"And you never once thought that what you were taught might have been wrong?" Lara replied.

"Back then I didn't, no. But lately, as I've been watching Knuckles, I've come to realize that maybe it was time to change."

"A little late on that aren't we?" Lara spat.

"Better late than never," Locke shot back. It was a weak come back, Locke knew it, but it was the best he could think of. He could feel his anger rising. Why couldn't she see things from his point of view?

"Not when it comes to our son it isn't," Lara said. She should have known Locke would be stubborn about this, he always was. It was foolish of her to ever think he would change.

"I'm trying the best I can Lara. I'm trying to make up for what I've done."

"You should have thought about that when he was first born," Lara screeched. "As guilty as you feel now, it doesn't make up for screwing up in the past! If you could have learned to see things from another person's perspective, than we wouldn't have had any problems in the first place!"

"I- I have and-"

"No you haven't," Lara said, cutting Locke off. "Try walking a mile in my shoes Locke. Maybe if you felt the pain I did you might actually understand how badly you ruined my life and our son's!"

That did it. Locke couldn't hold it back anymore. He didn't understand? She didn't understand any better than he did and he was determined to make that known to her.

"How dare you," Locke seethed. _"How dare you!"_

Lara blinked in shock. She had seen Locke get angry before, but never had he raised his voice to her. Even when they argued, he never yelled at her.

"Do you honestly think it was easy for me?" Locke screamed and Lara took a step back in surprise. Lara never understood him as far as he was concerned and he felt it was high time he said something about it. "Do you think I wouldn't have challenged the Brotherhood if it was easy? Do you have any idea what it's like to have generations of relatives hanging over your head, watching you, lecturing you? Do you have any idea how hard it is to fight traditions so deeply ingrained in stone?"

Lara opened her mouth to retort but Locke cut her off with a wave of his hand.

"I've had many times where I wanted to fight protocol but Hawking, or Spectre, or someone would fight me to stay true to tradition. I was verbally beaten down every time I questioned one of our customs. I was told I'd get over you, that everything was done for a reason and to do my duty."

Locke fought to keep his body from trembling as he continued on, not giving Lara a chance to interrupt. He was going to have his say, he was going to tell her how he felt and she was going to deal with it whether she liked it or not.

"You have no idea what it's like Lara. I've spent many days contemplating many things I did, always wracked with guilt and doubt. I have hurt, I have ached, and I understand better than you realize just how badly I've screwed up. I know there's no apologizing for the past and feeling sorry for what has happened won't change anything but I'm trying. Chaos help me, _I'm trying._"

"It's hard Lara, it's so hard and I have no guidance. No one to help me. I have to fumble my way through this as if I were blind without a single guiding hand. Maybe I didn't always see things from your point of view but was it that hard to try and understand mine? It goes both ways Lara, and I didn't have any easier a time of it than you did. Why don't you try walking a mile in my shoes before you start casting aspirations!"

Locke turned away, trying to calm himself. He had never yelled as much in such a short period of time as he did then. Lara only stared back at him in shock. His forceful words weren't the only things that came out of him as tears were now flowing from his eyes as well. She hadn't seen Locke display such emotion in so long that she had come to believe that he wasn't capable of it.

Neither one said anything for several minutes. Locke was busy trying to calm himself, his mind a mess of thoughts and emotions. Lara wasn't sure how to react to such words. As far as she was concerned, they were back at square one, with Locke believing he had done nothing wrong, as he usually did.

"Well," Lara said. "I guess that settles that. You haven't changed a bit."

"Neither have you," Locke replied bitterly. Lara-Le frowned but before she could say anything else Locke turned and walked away.

She contemplated following him, to give him more of what she did earlier, or even yelling after him, but she did neither. She had neither the energy or the heart for any further words with her ex at this time.

* * *

Knuckles groaned. He had arranged this meeting last night when he paid his mother a visit. He convinced her to meet him in the park, by the lake, which he later suggested to his father as a good place for mediation. He then convinced Constable Remington to make sure the area was clear of people so his parents could meet without having much in the way of an audience. 

He figured things wouldn't go smoothly, there was still a lot of hurt between the two, but he didn't expect things to get as far out of hand as he did. He knew his parents probably would never get back together again, but that didn't stop from him from wanting them on decent terms. He sat in the tree, keeping himself hidden as he listened to their angry exchange. He agreed and disagreed with both sides and as he listened he was beginning to understand why things had taken the turn they did.

Knuckles watched sadly as his father walked off. He didn't recall ever seeing his father cry and the revelation almost took him out of the tree in shock. His father's pain must have been deeper than he knew for such a reaction to have taken place. He contemplating running after his father but something inside his gut told him that trying to talk with his father over what just happened wasn't going to yield anything beneficial.

He'd have to talk to Sabre to get anything done as far as Locke went. His mother, however, was a different story. She hadn't bothered to leave, no doubt because she was waiting for Knuckles, who had told her he'd meet her there, and he decided to reveal himself to her now.

He jumped out of the tree and landed in front of her and Lara-Le gasped in shock. Her face brightened at the sight of her son but it clouded over two seconds later when she realized that he must have heard some part of the previous conversation.

"Mom," Knuckles said.

"Oh honey, did you hear any of that? I'm sorry, you're Father's manners haven't improved one bit since last time."

"First of all," Knuckles said with a slight growl. "I don't think Father is completely at fault. Second of all, I heard the whole thing. I arranged for you two to run into one another."

Shock crossed Lara-Le's face again and it quickly turned into a scowl. "Why Knuckles? Why on Mobius would you do something like that?"

"I wanted you two to talk," Knuckles stated as if it were obvious.

"You know, there are more honest ways of setting up a meeting," Lara said disapprovingly. "I think you're taking after your Father a bit too much."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Knuckles asked, offended by his mother's remark. He knew she wasn't happy with his father, but did she have to dig at him every time? And true, what he did was dishonest but how else was he going to get his parents to meet?

"I'm just saying that you should have come forward and talked to me instead of going behind my back. Your father did enough of that and I don't want to see you following in his footsteps." She gave her son a stern look and he returned it.

"It was the only way I knew to get you two remotely close together and just because I wasn't honest this time doesn't mean I'll be all the time. Why are you such a big stickler for honesty? You haven't exactly been honest with me."

Lara-Le gasped. "Knuckles! When have I ever lied to you?"

"You never bothered to tell me my father was alive for one thing," Knuckles said angrily.

Lara opened her mouth to protest but closed it promptly. Knuckles had her on that one.

"All right, so maybe I did keep a couple things from you, but I only did it because I thought I was protecting you." Lara's anger mellowed a little. She shouldn't be taking her anger at Locke out on her own child.

"Gee, you sound just like Dad," Knuckles said. Lara's face pinched in anger but Knuckles continued before she had a chance to open her mouth. "He did what he thought was best for me, even if it meant keeping a few secrets. I don't know why you two bicker so much when on some level you two are on the same page."

Lara-Le laughed bitterly. "Same page? Hardly. The only thing we remotely have in common is that we care for you. However, we differ greatly when it comes to expressing it."

"Look, I know you're angry at Dad, but cut him some slack. He didn't do that bad a job."

"That part's debatable," Lara muttered.

"Why?" Knuckles insisted. He suddenly found himself eager for an explanation from his mother.

"That great a job huh?" Lara said. "Never listening to me when I tried to take a hand in raising you, my own son? Taking you out on to the island and leaving you on your own? Is that so great to you?"

"Maybe not, but it's not like I turned out bad or anything."

"No," Lara said, her face softening. "You turned out pretty well."

"So, what's the problem?" Knuckles was hell bent on getting to the bottom of this.

"Your father raised you in a manner I felt wasn't best for you. We both should have been a part of your life but he insisted otherwise. He followed tradition and didn't bother doing anything that would have helped you. He never once contemplated change. He never once considered that maybe the way he was doing things wasn't really in your best interests."

"That's not entirely his fault Mom," Knuckles replied. The anger in voice melted away, replaced now with a pleading tone. "Dad was raised the same way I was, as were previous Guardians. Grandfather Sabre abandoned him when he was a child too. I agree it isn't the best system but he was taught that it was the best way and so he did it. I can't believe my Father was purposely being callous about anything."

"I know Knuckles," Lara said. She couldn't understand why Knuckles didn't see what she did, what should have been so obvious. "But he still had the freedom of choice and he chose to follow his own path instead of including me in it."

"But you told me that you chose to walk away from it. You said you knew what was involved."

"I did, I just didn't fully grasp what it was I had gotten myself in to," Lara replied. "Even though I chose differently that what Locke may have liked, I did what I felt was best."

"For me, or for yourself?" Knuckles asked bitterly.

Lara gave Knuckles a hurt, angry look. "I did what I thought was best for us. It was Locke who made the final decisions, horrible as they were."

"Again, maybe he didn't make the best choices, but do you have to throw it in his face every time you see him?"

"Knuckles," Lara said softly. "I know you love your Father and that love is what keeps throwing you to his defense. It's what keeps you from seeing everything that's gone wrong."

"No Mother, I think you have that wrong."

Lara looked at him puzzled. Knuckles realized that his parents, despite wanting what was best for him, didn't truly know how he felt. Now was as good a time as any to lay it all out for them, starting with his mother.

"Look, I'm not happy that Dad kept secrets from me. I admit that I'm hurt that he left me when I was nine years old, but I don't resent him." Lara raised an eyebrow and Knuckles felt a smidge of anger rise inside of him. "Don't say a thing until I've said my piece," he said. Lara nodded and Knuckles continued.

"So I wasn't given a choice in how I wanted to live my life. Dad wasn't given one either. Sabre did the exact same thing to him what Dad did to me. Athair might have gotten lucky when the Ancient Walkers offered him a different path and Sabre chose to become Guardian, but all Guardians before them weren't given a choice either. We all had to go through the same thing."

"Yeah I would have liked having my family around but I can't change what's been done. All that matters to me now is that I have my family with me, even if things aren't as wonderful as I'd like them to be. I don't fault Dad for what he's done. I'm angry, I may have felt like hating him at times, but I can't. I love him too much to ever feel that way about him, despite what he's done. Maybe he can't make up for what happened in the past but he's trying to change now, even if he's not all that successful."

"And you know what? I don't really care. Sure I'd like more answers, maybe even more time with him, but the fact that I have him back is good enough. We can build things up from there, just as I'm trying to build my relationship with you. I just want you to understand that I do know and understand that he's screwed up and that I'm still going to love him despite it all."

Knuckles let out a heavy sigh. He had never gone off like that and he never dreamed that he'd do so with one of his parents. Lara looked at him with tears in her eyes and for a fleeting moment Knuckles was afraid he had hurt her feelings. He was about to apologize when he saw something else in her eyes—understanding.

Lara-Le felt the tears slip down her face as she realized that Knuckles defense for his father wasn't blind love or devotion, it was true love. She always assumed that Knuckles loved and supported his father out of some kind of familial obligation. But now, as she listened to him, she realized that Knuckles' love came from not only from understanding his father and the past, but from accepting it as well.

"Oh honey," Lara said as she walked forward, arms open to embrace her son. Knuckles walked into her arms and hugged his motherly tightly. "I'm so sorry sweetheart. I shouldn't have said such things in front of you. I always assumed you just didn't understand things, that you never understood the true reason behind why things happened the way they did. I see now that you have a better handle on the situation than I gave you credit for."

"It's all right Mom," Knuckles replied. "I'm not mad at you either. Well, I am mad at you and Dad a little, but I don't think I could ever be angry at either of you for long."

"I guess your father and I were just too different for one another. We came from different backgrounds, different ideologies and when they eventually clashed, everything unraveled. And you know what, you're right."

"Mom?" Knuckles stood back and looked at his mother quizzically. What was she talking about now?

"I did choose to walk away. I tried to compromise, but it didn't work. I could have chosen to accept things, as your Grandmother Jenna did but I chose a different path. And I shouldn't be blaming Locke for my own individual choices." Lara took a deep breath, closing her eyes in contemplation. Knuckles said nothing. He waited patiently, for he had a feeling his mother had more to say.

"You know, in a way your father and I are on the same page, and yet different ones as well. We were both so caught up in believing our own ways were right that we never did try to see from each other's point of view. We were both stubborn, and in the end I think it was you who suffered the most for it. And it breaks my heart."

"Mom, it's all right," Knuckles said gently. "What matters to me most is that you're both in my life now. Knowing that I have both of you there for me has done more for me than I think either of you realize."

Lara-Le sniffled a little and cupped Knuckles' chin in her hands. She smiled as she gazed at him lovingly-- her beautiful baby boy. Knuckles returned her smile, looking like he was on the verge of tears himself.

"You know, as angry as I am at your Father, I don't hate him. After all, you've turned out to be a good boy; so strong, so brave. And if there's one thing I can never, ever fault your father for, it's the fact that he gave me you, my darling son. He didn't always handle things as well as I had hoped or would have liked, but I have you."

"I know neither of us are very happy at missing out on so many years together," Knuckles said. He was crying now. "But we have a chance at a future. We can move on."

"Yes. I think it's time I let the past go. I did a little when I married Wyn, but I always held on to the past, never completely allowing it die. I think it's time I did, for my own peace of mind, and for you own as well."

"I think we can all stand to let it go," Knuckles said as he embraced his mother again.

* * *

Locke slammed the door to his room shut, causing the walls to rattle. How dare she. _How dare she! _Why did she insist that everything was his fault? After all these years she placed the blame for everything that happened solely on him! She knew what to expect. She knew of Knuckles' obligations before they had even married. How dare she complain about things she knew were going to happen. And for her to think, even for a second, that he wasn't hurting from all of this only maddened him further. How could she possibly believe that he would abandon his son and not feel any pain from it? How could she think that the divorce never hurt him? How could she think that he never had any regrets? _How could she?_

Locke screamed, his rage having finally boiled over. He seized a glass of water he had left on the night stand and hurled it against the wall at full force. The cup shattered, spilling glass and water everywhere. Locke remained in place, trembling, taking deep breaths in an effort to calm himself.

_How could she?_

It wasn't fair. It just wasn't fair. Lara believed him to be callous, unfeeling. Spectre believed he was weak, unwilling to make the efforts necessary for change. His own father believed him a child, who closed his ears and ran away from anything he didn't want to deal with. It wasn't true, none of it was true.

He cared. It hurt him to take Knuckles away from Lara. It hurt him to leave Knuckles alone on the island when he was still but a child. He regretted not taking many actions during Knuckles' childhood that would have helped him. Just because he chose not to wear his emotions on his sleeve didn't mean he didn't care.

_I was afraid to care. Afraid to show too much emotion. Afraid to be what my grandfathers didn't want me to be._

Locke slumped to the floor and rested his head against the edge of the bed.

_I hide because I don't know how to deal with my pain. I'm too afraid to face my problems, to solve them, to deal with them, so I hide them away, burying them so deep that I ignore they even exist._

"I'm sorry," Locke said, not caring that he was talking to himself. "Aurora help me, I'm sorry! I can't change the past, I can't change what has happened. I didn't mean for everything to fall apart, I didn't mean to cause so much pain."

"I want to fix it, I do. I'm trying. I just don't know how. I don't know what to do. Why can't they understand that I suffer? Regret eats at me everyday of my life. _Every. Damn. Day." _Locke punched the edge of the bed."I know nothing can fix my mistakes. Nothing I say or do can erase the past but it kills me. It hurts damn it. _It hurts!"_

"Isn't my repentance enough?" Locke screamed, letting his anger and pain have the voice it so desperately craved. "Isn't the constant pain that eats away at me penance enough? What more do you want from me? What else must I do to appease you? What else can I possibly do to heal the wounds that exist from so long ago? What more can I possibly do? How can I bury the past and move on when everyone else sees it fit to throw it back in my face?"

Locke broke down, now sobbing wildly. Fifteen years of repressed pain released itself in a torrent of tears. Nothing was going to change. No matter how sorry he was, no matter how much he repented, nothing was going to change. Everyone was still going to hate him, berate him, and belittle him until nothing remained. How could he heal and get better if he couldn't find a way to heal the wounds that he inflicted on others, the wounds he himself suffered.

But he knew, despite what choices everyone else made, the blame laid with him and solely on him. He made his choices. He may have been influenced or frightened, but he made all of them of his own free will and he had no one else to blame save for himself. He just didn't want to take responsibility for his actions. He just didn't want to believe he was fault. He didn't want to accept it and now it was all coming back to bite him in the ass.

Regret wasn't enough, he knew it, but didn't that account for something? At least he felt sorry. He could have not cared all together. He wasn't evil. He was never cruel to his son, and he never cruel to anyone else. He may have hurt them emotionally, but it wasn't because he wanted to cause pain. How could he possibly fix things if no one was willing to accept the simple fact that he was sorry and move on with him from there?

Finally, after what seemed like hours, the tears stopped. Locke's head throbbed, and his sinuses were a mess. Slowly he raised himself to a standing position and walked into the bathroom. He flipped on the light and looked at himself in the mirror. He was an absolute mess. He rested his head against the mirror, willing himself to take several deep breathes.

His eyes caught sight of the razor to the side of the sink. For a brief moment he considered taking it to his throat. If he could do no one any good in life, than perhaps he could in death. He contemplated the idea for several more minutes before deciding against it. He was a Guardian, and he was better than that. Suicide wouldn't solve anything. Lara might not care if he died, but he couldn't leave his son again. He abandoned Knuckles once, and he wasn't going to do it again. And Sabre… his father would be heart broken. He couldn't do something like that to his father and such an action would only prove to Spectre and Thunderhawk that he was weak as they claimed him to be.

No, he would not end his life.

He took a few more deep breathes, struggling to calm his mind. Was this what Sabre wanted? For him to see once again all the pain he caused by not following his heart? No, that couldn't be it. Sabre said he wanted Locke to recognize and deal with his own issues, to confront them. Well, he confronted them, but now what?

Locke turned on the faucet and washed his face. He could only imagine what kind of reaction he'd get from the rest of the Brotherhood if they saw him now. He really did hate being the youngest one in Haven sometimes. Spectre and Thunderhawk both treated him like a child, but it wasn't like he treated them with much respect back. Thinking back on everything that ran through his mind recently, he realized that in a way, he was still acting like a child. He was supposed to be a mature adult and at times he acted like a young, neglectful kid. No wonder the ever serious Thunderhawk gave him such a hard time.

At least Athair offered him guidance and comfort. Until Athair started living in Haven again, Locke hadn't really noticed just how loving and supportive Athair could be. He felt another stab of regret as he dried his face. He had treated Athair so badly in his younger years and there was no excuse for it. When he had the chance, he was going to give his grandfather an apology.

Speaking of apologies, he owed Lara-Le one as well. He never should have yelled at her, he had no right to. Her anger was legit, and turning his on her wasn't right, no matter how much her words hurt him.

Locke left the bathroom and walked over to the window to look out over the city. He smiled as he gazed out over the lights. He never realized until just now just how barren Haven was, how crypt like it was until he was outside it. No wonder the Brotherhood seemed so dead most of the time. Maybe this was why Hawking liked living in the city instead of in Haven.

As he continued to gaze over the buildings, his eyes fell upon one area in particular. A little neighborhood buried away from the hustle and bustle of the downtown area. He couldn't make out much but if he recalled the locale properly, his mother lived in that area. It had been a long time since he had seen her. In fact, he hadn't seen her at all since he took Knuckles back to the island to begin his training. Perhaps it was time he paid her a visit.

* * *

"Well, it sounds like you've had quite a week," Jenna-Lu said as she placed her cup on the table. 

Locke had just finished explaining to her everything that had happened the past few days, his voice raw with emotion. By the time he had finished, he had started crying again. Jenna pulled out a handkerchief and gave it to Locke, who took it gratefully. Jenna couldn't recall the last time she had seen Locke cry. It was heartbreaking and yet wonderful at the same time. She so hated to see her precious child in any kind of pain, but she almost believed him to be emotionally dead. Seeing him express such raw emotion now gave her hope that he had not become the hollow shell she was afraid he would become.

"I don't remember ever being this emotional," Locke admitted. He smiled weakly. He felt ashamed at displaying tears in front of his mother but the smile on her face assured him that she thought no less of him for it.

"I was afraid for a while that you lost all emotion," Jenna said. "You became such a workaholic that I believed you would never display any emotion again, especially happiness. Do you have any idea how much it hurt to hear Sabre talk about how you buried yourself in work and rarely ever smiled or laughed? It broke my heart."

Locke frowned. He didn't realize his parents communicated on such a level, especially about him and he realized a second later how foolish he was. Why shouldn't parents worry about their children?

"I used to get so annoyed with father," Locke said, smiling as he remembered all the lectures his father had given him. "I used to think he was such a nag. I never realized how much he was trying to help me. I never once thought that he did it all out of love."

"Why else do parent's nag at their children?" Jenna-Lu replied. She chuckled lightly. Thirty-seven years old and in some ways Locke was still so out of touch with relationships. In some ways, he still seemed like the naïve little child she saw twenty years ago when he first started dating Lara-Le.

"Mother, I have a question," Locke said. He began to speak and then hesitated. He was afraid to hear the answer to what he was going to ask.

"Go on dear," Jenna said gently, brushing aside one of Locke's spines. "You know you can ask me anything."

Locke nodded and took a deep breath before asking, "Do I disappoint you?" Jenna was caught off guard for a moment but quickly relaxed. She had a feeling this was coming. Locke waited patiently for the firm yes he was sure to hear.

"Do you disappoint me? Yes, sometimes," Jenna said. She saw Locke's face fall and she reached forward with her hand. She placed it under Locke's chin and raised his face up, so his eyes meet hers. "Do you disappoint me as a person? No, not at all. You've made some bad decisions, you have done some things to disappoint me, but despite that, I'm still proud of you."

"No one's perfect son and we've all made mistakes, some of them big, some small. But no matter what you've done and no matter what you do, I will always, _always_ love you. I will always be there to support you, no matter what." She leaned forward and kissed Locke on the forehead. Locke smiled at his mother and she returned it warmly.

"I wished I had come to talk with you more often," Locke said, feeling another pang of regret. He had missed out on so much because of his stubbornness. Jenna, by some instinct, maybe maternal, knew what Locke was feeling and decided to quell those feelings before they consumed her son.

"Locke, while I wished I could have seen you more often, you must not think about it. The past is over and done with, it can't be changed. Doing nothing but sitting around and regretting your mistakes is no way to learn from them and it's no way to live. If you truly wish to be happy, if you truly wish to live, then reconcile with the past and move on. Live in the present to make yourself a future, for the longer you live in the past, the longer you will be stuck there."

Locke smiled again. She sounded just like Sabre. His father had told him as much so many times and only now was he beginning to understand it all. Locke chuckled lightly, before laughing aloud. Jenna-Lu felt her heart lift. She could tell from Locke's laugh that he was finally beginning to comprehend everything his family had been trying to tell him.

"You know, Father has said the same thing to me so many times and I always ignored him. I never realized until now just how right he was. How right you are. I always believed that ignoring everything would eventually allow me to move on. I had no idea all the regret I felt would eat away at me for so long. That putting everything aside until later, that not dealing with my responsibilities right away would result in my never being able to handle them."

"That's what makes regret so powerful Locke," Jenna replied. "It sits inside one's soul and festers until nothing is left but a mess."

"I still don't know if I can make up for everything I've done. In the end, I'm more at fault than anyone. I realize that now."

"Locke, what matters is that you try."

"I know Mother, I know. But what if it isn't enough? What if I still can't make amends?"

"Locke, don't worry about whether or not you can make everything right. It's not all going to go away and don't worry about whether or not anyone will forgive you completely. What matters is that you make the effort and in the end it is your life that you must fix. Your own heart that you must mend. So long as your own life remains in shambles, you have no way of making amends in anyone else's."

"I can't help but worry," Locke said. He held his mother's hands in his own, not wishing to let go for the simple act of holding them, on top of hearing her gentle words, brought him a sense of peace and warmth he hadn't felt in a long time. "I'm afraid all my efforts won't be enough. I fear that I can truly never make things right."

"That's not important honey," Jenna-Lu said, patting Locke's hands. "Like I said, what matters is you try. Not everyone may forgive you or forget. What matters is that you do the best you can and if it's not enough for someone, just move on. That's only way to live without being dragged down by the pains of the past. Just let go and move on."

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" Locke said, his lips tight as he held back more tears.

"Not as much as I would like to hear," Jenna said, with just a hint of jest in her voice. "But I can feel it Locke. Still, hearing those three little words every once in a while would do this frail old body some good."

"You're not that old yet Mother," Locke replied with a laugh. "And if it helps add a few more years to your life, than I'll tell you I love a thousand times over."

Jenna-Lu embraced her son, laughing fondly. "And I'll take every one of them with the greatest of pleasure."

"Well, this is a surprise," Jenna said as she peeked out the door hole. A visit from you and Lara-Le all in the same day."

Locke wore a look of surprise. He didn't think Lara still communicated with his mother. "I'm surprised she's coming over. I didn't know you two still talked."

"Of course we do silly. Perhaps not often, but we still do."

"Well," Locke said as he stood up. "I don't want to interrupt you two. I can come back a little later, for dinner perhaps?"

"That would be wonderful dear," Jenna replied. She would have liked for Locke to have stayed but she knew better than to keep him and Lara-Le in the same room together for very long. One never knew how the two would act around one another. After everything Locke had told her in the past couple hours, she hoped that maybe the two could come to some sort of reconciliation.

Locke walked to the door and stopped to give his mother a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'll be back around five o' clock or so, how's that?"

"Perfect," Jenna said. She gave her son a kiss on the cheek before seeing him out the door. "Tell Lara the door is unlocked and she can walk in at any time." She didn't want to leave the door open in case Locke and Lara exchanged any words. Better to leave them to their privacy.

Locke walked outside, feeling more uplifted than he had in the past couple days. Lara-Le, who was checking out some of the flowers on the side of the porch, gasped in shock when she saw him. He was the last echidna she would have expected to run into here, but then again, this was his mother's place. Locke smiled warmly, not wanting to set her off. She gave him a wary look like she always did but Locke wasn't going to allow it to ruin his day, not this time.

"Lara, before you say anything, I want to apologize to you." Lara looked a little taken aback and Locke took advantage of her speechlessness to continue with his apology before she had a chance to speak. "I never should have yelled at you yesterday. However angry I was, I never should have raised my voice to you. I'm sorry Lara." Locke punctuated his apology with a slight nod of his head.

The gesture, on top of his words, caught Lara completely off guard. Locke never came forward and apologized like that before. She was dumbstruck, not sure what to say. Normally she snapped at him from the get go but this time she realized that she had no angry words to throw at him, especially after her chat with Knuckles yesterday.

"Anyway, I'm going to leave and allow you to have some time alone with my Mother," Locke said. He had said his apology and whether or not Lara accepted was something he wasn't going to allow himself to fret about.

"Locke, I don't mean to force you away from your Mother," Lara said.

"It's all right. I'll be coming back to have dinner with her later. Besides, I think I need some time to collect myself." He walked past Lara, his mind already on other things when Lara called out to him.

"Locke, wait."

Locke stopped and looked over his shoulder at her. He hoped and prayed she wouldn't start an argument, not here, not now. He was determined to walk away if she did but one look at her face told him that arguing was the last thing on her mind.

"Locke, I owe you an apology as well," Lara said. She looked completely sincere and it was Locke's turn to be taken aback.

"Lara, I've done nothing to warrant an apology from you," Locke said gently.

"Locke, I've been doing some thinking. After you left I had a talk with Knuckles and some of what he said he said to me really made me think."

"What did he have to say?" Locke turned to face Lara, giving her his full attention.

"Well, first off, let me tell you that he arranged for us to bump into one another at the park and he spied on us the entire time as well. He heard our whole conversation."

Locke blinked at her, wide eyed. She nodded, a small smile on her face, confirming her words were fact. Locke sighed and rubbed his temples with his fingers.

"I'm going to have to have a talk with Knuckles about that," he muttered.

"Good luck," Lara replied. "I tried and didn't get far."

Locke chuckled. Lara just joked with him, something that hadn't happened since they were young and first married. "So, what happened?" Locke asked.

"Basically, I realized that how I felt was not the way Knuckles felt. While I was angry at you, and even hated you at times, Knuckles loves you despite it all. I realized that maybe I was too was being stubborn, thinking that I knew better than you what was best for Knuckles when I think the reality is that he knows better than either of us what he really wants."

"I think as parents, we easily overlook our own children's feelings when they know themselves better then we ever do."

"You know, I was doing some thinking Locke and I believe that it would be best for Knuckles if we tried to cooperate with one another, at least a little bit, for his sake. I know he'd rather have us together as one family, but since that can't happen-" Locke winced internally at this. "-the very least we can do is try to be somewhat civil with one another."

"I couldn't agree more Lara. I'm willing to do what it takes to help Knuckles. I'm going to do the best I can to make up for failing him in his younger years, even if it kills me."

Lara was struck by the sincerity of Locke's words and she found herself smiling. That was the kind of thing she wanted to hear from the father of her son, that he'd be there for him, no matter what.

"I'm more than willing to try and put aside our difference to help Knuckles. Our little boy deserves the best we can give him and I'm hoping that if we work together, we can do that for him." Locke smiled hopefully at Lara-Le and she nodded in full acquiescence.

"Then that's exactly what we'll do. It'll probably be easier said than done given our history, but I'm hoping we can make it work for Knuckles' sake."

"We will Lara. I believe we will."

An awkward silence followed, neither one knowing what to say. Locke was about to turn to leave when he remembered something that he had wanted to ask Lara, something to help give him final peace of mind.

"Lara, I have one final question for you," Locke said. Lara nodded and waited. "Are you happy Lara?"

"Well, if you mean in regards to everything that has happened…"

"No Lara, I mean, are you happy? With everything having turned out as it has, with your life as it currently is now. Are you happy?"

Lara turned the whole thing over in her mind for several seconds before answering with a smile. "Yes, I'm happy."

Locke smiled broadly. "Then that's all that matters." He turned and walked for the elevator.

"Locke, wait," Lara said. She could see the sadness in his smile. Locke stopped and turned to look at her again.

"Locke," Lara said, her face serious, if not slightly sad itself. "No one should go through life completely miserable. You should try and find happiness for yourself. Not only for your son's sake, but yours as well. You should still have a chance to be happy too."

Locke choked slightly, feeling as though he wanted to cry. Not from sadness though, but from happiness. Hearing those few words from her mouth did more for his spirits than anything his mother had said previously.

"Thank you Lara," Locke said kindly. "Take care of yourself." He gave her one final smile before turning away.

Lara said nothing as he left and remained in place for a few moments. Years ago she never would have dreamed of saying such a thing. Even as short as a few months ago she never would have imagined wishing Locke well. But now that she had, she felt a kind of peace within herself as well. Perhaps now she could finally bury the past.

Locke bounded down the streets, his spirit's the highest they've been in years. A few days ago, when his father forced him into the city, he didn't think his life could take any different a direction than the one it was already had. But now, now he had hope. He had hope for the future and it warmed his heart. The greatest feeling of relief came to him as he felt the pain wash away. It would take time to get rid of it completely, but maybe now he could function without being weighed down by the sins of the past.

"Well, someone's looking rather cheerful!" a voice called out. Locke immediately recognized it as Knuckles' and looked in the direction from whence it came and gasped in shock. Knuckles was standing under a tree nearby and Sabre and Athair were with him! Locke couldn't help but wonder if his father had been watching him these past few hours. He walked over to greet his son and fathers.

"Knuckles," Locke greeted warmly, giving his son a hug. "Father, Grandfather." He nodded respectfully to both. "What brings you two here?"

"We thought we'd come and see how you were doing Locke," Sabre replied. He had a smile on his face. "Judging from the way you came out of Jenna's house, I'd say things went rather well."

"What happened?" Knuckles asked. Locke gave a quick recount of the talk he had with Jenna-Lu as well as his brief run-in with Lara-Le. "I'd still prefer it if you two would get back together," Knuckles said. "But I guess I can live with you two being able to sit in the same room together without ripping each other apart."

"I'm glad to hear it son," Locke replied. He ruffled the top of Knuckles' head, earning him a few words of protest from his offspring.

"I always knew Jenna was good for talking sense into people," Sabre said fondly. "It figures she would manage to accomplish in a couple hours what I've been trying to tell you for several years."

"Come now Father. What would life in Haven be like if we actually listened to each other?" Locke teased.

Sabre smirked. "A lot easier, that's for sure."

"I take it now you have things figured out," Athair asked.

"Yes Grandfather," Locke replied. "I never realized how hard it was to actually come forward and own up to one's responsibilities sometimes."

"We all have those problems Locke," Athair replied kindly. "Even the best of us sometimes need help dealing with the harsh realities of life."

"Why do you think I did this Locke?" Sabre said. "I knew that once you weren't able to hide away from your problems, you'd have to confront them. Things turned out a lot better than you expected, didn't they?"

Locke rubbed the back of his head in an embarrassed manner. "Yes, I guess they did. I should thank you Father. You really did know what you were talking about after all."

Sabre smirked again. "I like to think so."

"Kind of tough though, throwing him out of his own home," Knuckles said.

"It's what I call 'tough love' Knuckles," Sabre responded. "Sometimes kicking the child out on his own is the only way for him or her to learn."

"Why else do you think so many animals in the wild eventually leave their young?" Athair said. "How else are they to learn how to deal with life if they never have to face it on their own?"

"Athair," Locke said. He bowed his head, looking apologetic. "I want to say I'm sorry. I've treated you so badly for so many years, thinking you selfish for choosing to stay with the tribe instead of on the island with us. I never realized until recently just how much of a heart you have, how much you truly care for others. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you sooner."

Athair smiled lovingly at his grandson. "It's all right Locke. As much as it hurt to be ostracized by my own family, what matters now is that I'm with all of you again. Besides, isn't part of being a family all about forgiveness?" Locke smiled and nodded before enveloping his grandfather is a hug, which Athair returned all too gladly.

"I take it you're going to start perking up just a little bit?" Sabre asked.

"Yes, I think I can learn to enjoy life a little more often. I know now that I have much to live for and I won't allow myself to forget it this time," Locke said.

"Don't worry son, I'll be there to lecture you if you do," Sabre said with a grin. Locke sighed and chuckled, eventually giving in to full blown laughter. Sabre followed suit and eventually Athair and Knuckles became infected as well.

"So, does this mean I can home now?" Locke asked.

"Of course. I think Thunderhawk is tired of only having Sojourner around to annoy him," Athair said.

"Well there's something to look forward to," Locke said with a mock display of displeasure.

"So, what shall we do now?" Knuckles asked.

"Well, I promised Mother that I'd return for dinner in a couple hours. Perhaps we can all join her?" Locke suggested.

Sabre nodded. "I think Jenna would very much enjoy that. Until then, why don't we enjoy one another's company."

"Great!" Knuckles said enthusiastically. "I finally get some quality family time. Just promise me you won't do anything embarrassing this time, okay Grandfather?"

Athair gave Knuckles the innocent "Who, me?" look and Knuckles smirked in response. He took Athair's hand and headed for the park. Athair used his cane to trip up Knuckles, who managed to catch his footing before falling to the ground. Knuckles gave his grandfather a look before reaching for the older male. Athair dodged easily and began floating off, with Knuckles giving chase, playfully shouting for his grandfather to come back so he could strangle him. Sabre and Locke exchanged glances and smiles and Sabre draped an arm across Locke's shoulders.

"What say we go make sure they both stay out of trouble?" He said.

"I say we do," Locke replied.

Both men took off, hoping to catch Athair before he decided to make a big spectacle of himself. Locke laughed in spite of himself as he and his father gave chase after the two echidnas. For the first time in years he actually felt alive. The past behind him, he now had a new, brighter looking future to look forward to.


End file.
